Why students fail in Exam

Typical academic year for a student:

1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.

2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.Days left 263.

3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141.

4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.

5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.

6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days. Days left 81.

7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.

8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.

9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.

10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day left.

11. That 1 day is your birthday. How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!

Balance = 0

" Then how can a student pass ??"

When maths teacher writes love letter

My Dear SweetHeart,


Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.

There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.

Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.

The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.

I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.

You are as essential to me as an element to a set.

The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.

My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.

With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

Hidden meanings

We will do it means "You will do it"


You have done a great job means "More work to be given to you"


We are working on it means "We have not yet started working on the same"


Tomorrow first thing in the morning means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"


After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"


There was a slight miscommunication means "We had actually lied"


Lets call a meeting and discuss means "I have no time now, will talk later"


We can always do it means "We actually cannot do the same on time"


We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."


We had slight differences of opinion means "We had actually fought"


Makea list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"


You should have told me earlier means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


We need to find out the real reason means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"


Well family is important; your leave is always granted. Just make sure that the work is not affected means, "Well you know..."


We are a team means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"


That's actually a good question means "I do not know anything about it"


All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Funny Out of Office replies

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.


You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.


I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return From holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order It was received .


The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver This message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.


I've run away to join a different circus.

Did you know

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right hand.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

The words "racecar" and "level" are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

"TYPEWRITER" is the longest word that can be typed using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

How true are these ?

Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.



Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.



Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.



Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.



Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.



Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.



LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.



LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!



LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.



THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.



LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Turbo powered lorry

Chain reaction

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,
so make arrangement.

Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and
I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going
abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need
not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a
week I don't have class because my teacher is busy. Lets
spend the week together.

Grandpa (the boss) made a call to his secretary: This week I am
spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend
that meeting.

Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss
has some work, we canceled our trip.

Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend
this week together, my wife has canceled her trip.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tuition: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my
teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I
can't give you company.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this
week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .

Karate Class

Joe was a not too smart kind of guy. Everyday when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.

Finally, Joe decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route and then take up some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again.
He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well to defend himself.

So, one day, on the way home from work Joe took his old route home.

He walked up to them and the battle ensued.

The next afternoon Joe went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.

His instructor, shocked, asked him what happened.

"Well," explained Joe, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat those guys who stole my money, but they beat me up before I could get my shoes and socks off!"

Support request

Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"


REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! !
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support ..

Truth test

One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late

Night and didn't Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.



In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty

and weird with grease and dirt. They then went up

to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and

on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all

the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and

said they will be ready by that time.





On the third day they appeared before the Dean.

The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were

required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.





They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.






The Test consisted ONLY of 2 questions with the

total of 100 Marks.








Q.1. Your Name.........................( 2 MARKS )









Q.2. Which tyre burst?...............( 98 MARKS )





a) Front Left



b) Front Right




c) Back Left



d) Back Right.....!!!

Letter to Microsoft

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems,
which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you
to check this.


2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he
ran up to ... ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we
can click that by sitting.


3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only
're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.


4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the
door key and we tried a lot to trace the key with this 'find' button, but was
unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.


5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
sentence, so when you will provide that?


6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon
which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?


7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a
single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.


8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the
PC at home only.


9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past
Documents'?


10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My
Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office
hours.

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