Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
Wife: Honey...... What are you looking for?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...??
You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour...??
Husband : I was just looking for the expiry date.
A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married.
Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying...
& the other ensures U Continue to do so.
Funny replies
A man went to an auction. He bid on a parrot.
He really wanted this bird, so he kept on bidding,
But kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher.
Finally, he won the bid. As he was paying, he said to the auctioneer,
"I surely hope such a costly parrot can talk.
"Don't worry", said the auctioneer,
"He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
Buyer to seller: Is your dog faithful?
Seller: Yes, I have sold him 3 times earlier also.
He is so faithful, everytime he returned back to me.
Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
1st customer: "I'll have tea."
2nd customer: "Me, too..... and be sure the cup is clean!"
Waiter instructs the cook: "Two teas, with one asked for a clean cup."
He really wanted this bird, so he kept on bidding,
But kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher.
Finally, he won the bid. As he was paying, he said to the auctioneer,
"I surely hope such a costly parrot can talk.
"Don't worry", said the auctioneer,
"He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
Buyer to seller: Is your dog faithful?
Seller: Yes, I have sold him 3 times earlier also.
He is so faithful, everytime he returned back to me.
Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
1st customer: "I'll have tea."
2nd customer: "Me, too..... and be sure the cup is clean!"
Waiter instructs the cook: "Two teas, with one asked for a clean cup."
Funny replies
I'm not going back to school ever again
Why are you not going to?
The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions!
Mother: How was your first day at school?
Son: It was all right except for one thing, some man called "Teacher" who kept spoiling all our fun!
A software engineer was smoking in public.
A lady standing nearby said to him "can't you see the Warning, Smoking is injurious to health..!".
He replied "We are bothered only about Errors, not Warnings !!"
Why are you not going to?
The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions!
Mother: How was your first day at school?
Son: It was all right except for one thing, some man called "Teacher" who kept spoiling all our fun!
A software engineer was smoking in public.
A lady standing nearby said to him "can't you see the Warning, Smoking is injurious to health..!".
He replied "We are bothered only about Errors, not Warnings !!"
Quality and Warrant
A Quality Engineer married an average girl…
After 2 years of tough life with her, finally the Engineer
got angry and sent a note to father-in-law stating that
"YOUR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS".
The smart father-in-law replies,
"WARRANTY EXPIRED. MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE"
After 2 years of tough life with her, finally the Engineer
got angry and sent a note to father-in-law stating that
"YOUR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS".
The smart father-in-law replies,
"WARRANTY EXPIRED. MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE"
Why students fail in Exam
Typical academic year for a student:
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days. Days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday. How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!
Balance = 0
" Then how can a student pass ??"
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days. Days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday. How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!
Balance = 0
" Then how can a student pass ??"
When maths teacher writes love letter
My Dear SweetHeart,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
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